Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
