every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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