Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
