Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
