I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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