I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I look better un-naked...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
