Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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