First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
