Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
