My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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