remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!