Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels