He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.