This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.