I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.