Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My vagina is officially offended.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
