do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That accounts for only three of the penises
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
