what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
