he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
