garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
