the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
