Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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