i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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