From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
