So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
