Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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