he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
