You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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