i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
