i used baking grease as lip gloss
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
