mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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