So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
