This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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