I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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