Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
