we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
