Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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