the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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