i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
