so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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