i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize