I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
