he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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