I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
