so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
