the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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