am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
