he wants to bone in the snuggie
one might say we're banned from that church
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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