He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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