woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
