drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
