he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
