And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
