I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that's an acceptable place to lick
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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