who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
