He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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