Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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