i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Alive.
So much puke
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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