Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
