Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
