I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
