Umm I'm too high to move.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize