i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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