Just cropdusted the office
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
