Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
