i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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