You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
