While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
