and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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