all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
